Ones up on a time, a relative told me when he got cancer, the whole family got “cancer”. First he didn’t realise it, but a sign with those words in the doctors waiting room made him think deeper about it. Of course, he told me, there is not one family that reacts the same as another one, but pretty close. His whole family crashed into depression, a big change knocked on their door. Would they survive the cancer and marriage?
It made me think. My whole family had been infected by depression, in different stages of course. I always disliked the word depression. But my son (10y) said, “I have sadness in my heart that affects my brain.” He is the smart one –like children always are.
Family depression can also become a blaming cause. Who’s fault is it? Who will need the treatment(s)?
Everyone need treatments not only one family member, everyone gets infected.
Depression/Sadness is contagious, I believe. Some families become stronger after treatment/coaching –we all are responsible in one way or another. However, it is not about who is the worst (blame calling). Other families breaks apart, some members don’t want to deal with it. “Its nothing wrong with me! If you only change, everything will become better.”
Depressions can become ugly if not taken cared off. Ten months ago I fell down into a deep dark whole. I swam in a dark ocean. I couldn’t see anything, only my thoughts were pounding inside my head.
My family were swimming, still we couldn’t see each other. We couldn’t even see the light since we kept looking down. We felt our presens, yet we couldn’t reach each others hands. We were occupied trying to save ourselves from drowning.
Then one day, something triggered me to lift the phone and call for help. The Animals were always there for me as healers. Animals are always in the moment, patient and loving (In the same way I would imagine God) We humans complicates it for each others, and many times for ourselves. That is why we need a human to talk too, to sort out all the fals feelings and beliefs we have told ourselves, or trusted what others had said about us. Maybe old believes that are no longer true.
I broke the pattern in our family, and it was a painful journey, and still is in another way. Nevertheless, even if its painful, I feel like I am now swimming above the surface. Still peddling with my feet like a duke. Trying to get my family up to the surface, and guide them to the best qualified helpers I can find. Now, that was another puzzle, being from one country, living in another nationality, in another country. A language I didn’t even speak.
Thats where I love and adore children. They want help. They understand. They want their parents to be helped.
Many tells me, I am very strong. person. How do you measure strength?
Life passes on so quickly. I spoke to several elderly people, and many of them told me the same, ” If I only would have dared more. Fear and shame and regret made me not dare.” (dare to break an old marriage, dare starting something new, dare talking about feelings, showing feeling etc)
I can relate to that. For several years I felt the same, and hid behind the walls were no one could see me crying. Only together with my children, and animals, did I feel something different. Now my soul told me I had to start searching for my answers deep inside of me. Peal the layers off.
I started to surround myself with a new kind of energy, mentors, and love. And started to say good bye and say thanks to the old ones. I thanked them, since they had been my mentors to whom I had become (in good and bad) To show anger towards them who left me wouldn’t help. They left to make room for new teachers arrival.